Is it odd to have wished to be a mother at such a young age? I wasn’t even a pre-teen when I first had notions of wanting to someday become a mother. For some reason there have been many a time when I would watch movies and wish that I myself was the mother portrayed in the movie.

At a young age, my mom had told me that I always had a motherly instinct inborn in me. Even if I fought with my siblings a lot when I was a kid, even throwing tantrums and admittedly semi-bullying them, when they’d be asleep and I was much calmer, my mother caught me always tucking my siblings in or carrying them to bed. Until my brothers were too big too be carried to bed, I was always the one tucking them in to bed and pulling the blankets over them when they’d kick it off in their sleep.

Even so, I never waned in my desire to become someday become a wife and most especially a mother. Being one of the eldest in my family, I’ve had many a liberty taking care of my younger siblings, cousins, and nieces/nephews. Up until now, I still adore playing with my nieces and nephews especially being their babysitter during family parties, by being the one who keeps them amused and quiet.

All that’s left is still the adamant fear of childbirth. Since childhood, there was never a doubt that I wanted to be a mother, and even entertaining the notion of becoming a nun was something that I didn’t want to think of. But still, being a mother is different from the whole point of giving birth to a baby. The pain that could be inflicted from carrying a baby for 9 months, the morning sickness and up to the labour itself. It’s still one of the greatest fears that I have towards becoming a mother, most especially the unusual occasion that one could die from childbirth. I actually asked my mother about it, and she said that the pain endured during childbirth is nothing compared to the joys of finally seeing your baby after birth. Looking at it, it must be very difficult for mothers who give birth to stillborns.

Still, adoption is always an option. Though of course, one’s husband would want their children to of course be someone of their own blood (unless the mother is incapable of giving birth or having children). I doubt though that I am someone capable of being infertile, there are supposedly ways to foretell if you fertile or not.


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The Doll(dalera)

What lies behind the mask of a doll, kept sheltered and propped against the shelf wall. Beautiful and untouched for all to see, she comes unmasked in beautiful glory.

The Doll behind the mask

A fresh university graduate from the Ateneo de Manila University who loves to write stories, articles and poetry. Enjoys reading books - mostly fiction, and loves to play video games.

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